El Beso del Sol
January 5, 2016
As a human I believe we all crave and strive for beauty within and in our surroundings. I believe beauty is somewhat of a Divine right if you look at it simply as my feeble mind tends to. But simple doesn't count in this story and there are many deep meanings to the word. But yet it's also a constant gift we all (even the most simple of person) desire to have and to be. For me I strive and fail too often to be a beautiful man and person in countless other ways. Others hope that mere physical attributes are given by their God and it elevates them. So many think that beauty a deep dark tan is key to looking healthy and sexy. But I fear it does nothing but add to a false and shallow level.
I have just realized that I live for beauty and happiness. The beauty is beauty of mind, soul, body, and being. The Sun (del Sol) is my strength and source. When I have Sun I can almost be assured that happiness is going to rise and follow me. In my worst struggles with depression the Sun feeds me like a deep forest fire and helps me fight this chronic struggle. Maybe that is one of the best reasons I crave to return to the sun baked Land of Enchantment. Out there throughout my day I can succumb and may cave to it's intensity and often stumble into the shade with my body screaming for water and coolness. My sweat turns from a consistency of heavy water into nothing more than a dense salt deposit on any cloth touching my skin. The white markings are proof of this physical reaction.
I've come realize there are many days in New Mexico that the sun so strong and hot that it consumes my thoughts and many times my body like a raging fire. From a couple accounts there is at least 283 days of sun in the Southwest High Desert. This heat can sometimes pull the last bit of oxygen from the lungs and burns deep like a melting fire poker. When you walk outside or step from the shade it seems for a split second you go into a panic for a breath. Yet I crave this. I'm not the beach bum type and the sun, sand and water aren't a craving. To me the sun baking a beach is different. So I guess I'm the desert dwelling type. It's like an addict stealing away with a last drop of morphine. To me this is all so intoxicating and consuming. So intense. Those who live in the high desert with me like the horned lizards, lined lizards, rattlers, gopher snakes all find the highest and hottest rocks to expose themselves at some point on a good day to this life giving and yet deadliest of forces. The desert and river valley creatures, like the hawks, hummingbirds, water fowl, cliff swallows, butterflies, and bees spend their day struggling to carry water on their wet drenched bodies back to their sanctuaries to help quench the thirst of the next generation. All of the creatures of this place, one of the hottest on earth, course with red blood cells keeping them in existence. But water is the key element in fighting the sun's grip. I'm not convinced that many humans think about the fact that we we live because of this cycle of glorious life. It's taken for granted far too much. The elements in this hostile and amazing setting are in a perfect match, that being sun, hydrogen and oxygen. We've taken all creatures and elements for granted. It is the wonder of the Divine that we exist at all. And so in full circle this Divine and all It has created is why we can find and see beauty in the oceans, forests, deserts, mountains, and all the creatures of our lands. Sun and water, what a simple combination of beauty. I've come to realize no matter how hard each day is to get through or how rough I feel it seems now I am in an eternal romance with the sun of Southwest. With that sun comes my happiness. And happiness feeds those multiple levels of inner beauty and peace I try so hard to keep alive in me.
One of my deepest fears is that in my relocating it will pull me away from those I love and those that love me. I often yearned and talked about wanting to be back out West with many of you. There was even a dark funky time when I slammed the door on any hope of ever living out there again. But within a couple months hope was somehow renewed. Shortly after that renewal my mom came for a visit to my sweet little house in the Georgia mountains. That first night I broke the news I was making a plan to go back. As much as she worried I think she also knew I needed to be back there. I wanted to be sure she wasn't going to be hurt and I wanted her totally on board for this next journey. Happiness has been kind of rare and fleeting during my life in Georgia. But I think my mom and my friends in Georgia know I wasn't very happy and that I was homesick for the Southwest.
So in closing I hope that you visit me often if you'd like. I want to share the great Southwest in person. Not just through photos of the region I love and embrace. For ages there's been the Grand Tour of Europe for the Aristocrats of Europe. I don't know anyone living like the old upper classes. So for all my friends there is something new to do. Slather yourselves in sun screen and grab a hat! Because now there's Wandering Bear's "El Grande" Tour of the Desert Southwest!
The kiss of the sun awaits you.
~Barry, Wandering Bear
